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Third El Relleno Dinghy Race PDF Print

Boaters Narrowly Escape Injury In Collision During Third Dinghy Competition

A slight miscalculation and, what the ...?
A slight miscalculation and, what the ...?

 The Third El Relleno Dinghy Race had spectators gasping with horror as the high performance craft of La Vida Feliz's Richard and Dart's Art went ballistics and sent Art into a semi-stupor breathless state and Richard into consternations of sympathy, guilt, concern and loss of racing time.

    The injuries were minor, the embarrassment acute and the spectator value high (there's nothing like a racing collision to improve audience ratings. Thanks, guys.)

    The El Relleno Dinghy races are a Great Scott Production sanctioned by the World Wrestling Federation (that's what the news release said) and sponsored by El Relleno Brewing Co.

 The first race was devoted to 1 h.p. to 5 h.p. outboards on a 1 lap oval course.

Course Map
Self explanatory. Go over there, don't hit the dock, veer to the starboard of the yellow sailboat, go through the small gap in the islands, accelerate to the maximum and aim at the other dock.

    The second race was a 2 h.p. to unlimited h.p. class which raced around bouy #16 then around Roger's Resort Island and Bouy #2 returning to finish at the El Relleno Marina.

    Hundreds of race fans were reported in attendance to see hometown favorite "Wild Willie" pilot the renowned Little Humper performance craft which was presented a second class finish despite reports that he was towed back to the dock due to technical difficulties.

    Willie claimed a first place finish due to his contentions that competitor English John used his sail on Betti May as well as his 4 h.p. outboard, thereby violating WWF dinghy racing regulations. Willie's claims and suppositions will be considered by the El Relleno Rules Committee when it meets at 9 a.m. on a particular Wednesday in the next few months.

Media Boat
Quasi professional media celebrities were on hand to record the blood, sweat and tears of the pumped up dinghy race.

    Commenting on the possibility of losing his first place trophy to the disgruntled Willie, English John affirmed that he will "fight, fight, fight perchance before I relinquish my well deserved trophy." English John is not believed to have been born and reared in Texas.

    Asked for a succinct comment, Willie just smirked.

    The race history logs show that contenders in the first race actually managed to cross the finish line but competitors in the second race sort of didn't find the finish line due to the dramatic collision between La Vida Feliz and Dart.

    The second race, which featured 5 h.p. and larger outboards, drew a long line of inflatable racing dinghies with serious intentions displayed as they headed for the first corner. Rounding the corner neck and neck then heading for the island one mile away, the competitors delighted locals and visitors alike as they headed around the island and twisted throttles wide open aiming for the finish line. Richard and Art fought for the lead until Art, according to race officials, missed a bouy marker and attempting to correct his negligence, managed to place the bow of his dinghy amidships of Richard's dinghy while at full speed. Needless to say, such a spectacle was relished by the blood thirsty crowds who applauded as Richard, pausing momentarily to ascertain the life expectancy of the stricken Art, raced on to the finish line to claim the trophy.

Ramming Speed
Ramming Speed...

    In the third race, all contenders managed to finish at the finish line at reasonable time periods and without substantial losses of skin tissue or body fluids.

    "That was better'n NASCAR," a spectator was heard to mumble between bites of alligator snacks.

    Rumor has it that Richard of La Vida Feliz attempted to return his first place trophy saying "Gosh, geewhiz, I have so many, many trophies now that another trophy of this magnitude would take up so much room on my boat (which, interpreted into local English, meant "I really don't want that ugly thing on my boat").

Trophy Presentations
This might be the proudest moment of my life

    Right before press deadline, Richard informed the Chisme-Vindicator that his intent for returning the trophy was simply to place the beautiful object into a cherished position of perpetual evolvement (like the America's Cup Trophy) which is passed on each year to the victorious team.

    Small horsepower class -- 1st place Bobbi May piloted by English John; 2nd place Little Humper piloted by Willie.

    Large horsepower class -- 1st place La Nina Feliz piloted by Richard (crash victim); 2nd place Litby piloted by Torrey; 3rd place Nooner piloted by Mike; 4th place Song piloted by John; and 5th place Dart piloted by Art (another crash victim).

    During winner's circle celebrations, race fans were granted the opportunity to meet the dashing racing personalities in the El Relleno VIP lounge and plead for autographs.

    Trophies were given for:

    -- Anyone who actually finished the race.
    -- The best looking girl at the race.
    -- The best looking female photographer at the race.

    Trophies included "Chain Flakes" breakfast cereal and a cherished mounted periscope on wood.

    Winners were given photo opportunities to pose with the El Relleno Brewing Co. girls -- Evelyn and Aliz.

Winners Circle
Winners Circle

    All bribe money was donated to the Bar and Food attendent.

    Guests were reported to have enjoyed the alligator snacks but most had staggered home prior to the serving of roast bat.

    Lube Marina and Boat Works served (real food) buffalo wings much to the appreciation of hungry guests.

     The full gallery of photos and captions from the race can be seen HERE.

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